Frustrated & Worried

I had a meeting with my son’s teachers. We agreed to put stuff into place. Give him a quarter before having another meeting. And depending …….. see what our options are.

Yeah- hes not having on and off days. Hes getting more and more aggressive. Yesterday he choked a teacher. And now hes suspended for 3 days. I told the teachers to look into another school that could accommodate him better. And they said ok. Only because his aggression is only getting worse at that school.

So I’m hoping to have more answers when he goes back to school on Tuesday. I have a meeting then and they’ll call me as soon as they know anything.


Crazy realization

Today I realized something. I weigh a little more than 100 more than I did at 16-18. This absolutely crazy to me. Of course at the time it was unsustainable (135) and I gained weight because I was overexercising and under eating.

But still a crazy realization.

Today I realized that somethings seriously HAS to happen. But part of it is sooo hard for me wit this leg injury. I hate trying to lose weight with an injury. Its sooooo hard and difficult.

Tomorrow I’m ONLY going to be doing seating exercise and light yoga and upper body dance drillz. Until my injury is healed.

The back of my left knee/hamstring area feels like its super tight and is about to pop or tear or something. Its a horrible sensation. Tomorrow I’m telling my PT. I’m also telling my Dr. that shes not treating this as a hamstring strain.

Oh boy. I feel like such a tattle tell, lol, but something seriously HAS to change.

I’m dedicated to changing because something has to.

Middle-School Transition

My eldest son is 11 years old and he started 6th grade this year. His transition to middle school is NOT going well at all.

At the end of last year, me and his teacher put in work to make the transition smooth. It did NOT happen.

His ipad that he uses for communication was NOT there. For whatever reason hes running off a lot and over all they just can’t handle him.

He tests people and runs off if he doesn’t respect you. I arrive and then he listens to me.

Its the most frustrating thing in the world. I have an appointment next week to meet with some people. I just told my husband today whats going on.

He just said sooner or later, they’ll give up and send him to a school with more security, for bad kids. Or also, for special needs kidz with more aggresssive issues.

I feel like they are especially incompetent that they can’t even admit that they just might not be the best fit for my son. They just say that they can’t bend over backwards for one child. Whatever.

#everychildcounts #autismmatters

Cousin’s Birthday Party

Today I went to my cousin’s birthday party. It was gonna be later, like 7 so I made dinner for the kidz. Apparently the kidz didn’t like it lol. And I went with my relatives. My husband does NOT believe in celebrating birthdays. Its kind of depressing really. So I didn’t tell him why I left.

It was my cousin’s 16th birthday, at a roller skating rink. I mostly just helped my grandparents there, I didn’t skate or anything. I’m sure I looked odd, being Muslim, not looking super white like everyone else, with a long head cover on. But it was fun and it was bitter sweet seeing my nerdy cousin enjoying himself with his friends, while my life, is not so great. I’m happy for him.

I told him I’d be gone for a couple of hours or so. He claims I said 2. He started nagging me after 2.5 hours. Nagging me with his technicalities. Ughhh. I hate how he snares me into stupid arguments.

When I came home, his car was gone. Apparently, he was parked outside, right around the corner and had watched me go in the house. He didn’t leave until I texted him that I was home.

I don’t know of this was creep or scary.

Update on Leg Pain

According to my physical therapist I have VERY tight hamstrings. She doesn’t think I have a strain or a pulled muscles. She thinks my bad pain might actually either be nerves or sciatica. She thinks it got triggered when I pushed too hard during some stretching.

le sigh.

I hate how long it takes to get flexible. oh boy. I just wanna be flexible now, hehe. But anyways, orders are to do the hamstring warm up I found on youtube, light hamstring stretching, and using a heat pad for my hamstring. And to just let the nerves calm the hell down for now.

God willing I hope it gets all better.

Complicated Family

I just got a message today from my husband’s ex-wife. She wants the children to know each other, which is awesome. I want them to continue knowing each other too. But she doesn’t feel safe with them coming to us, and staying here anymore.

My husband, has complicated manners.

Apparently, my husband has been telling his daughters, who are Christians, that its OK for Christians to be killed. To explain matters, my husband is a supporter I guess of ISIS, and I am NOT. I try not to talk to him about it anymore because it just ends up in a horrible argument that just gives me anxiety in the pit of my stomach for hours.

She, my husband’s ex-wife, I’ll call her L for anonymous purposes, does not feel safe or secure with this. And neither do I. I do NOT tell them what he really thinks of them. What he told them is nice compared to how he REALLY feels about them. I want to protect them from all of that. I try my best to protect my children and my step-daughters, and L from it. Even my in-laws. I don’t want them to know how my husband really feels and thinks about them.

So now they might come over to visit grandma and grandpa while I’m there for the weekend. I hope it all goes well. We can only meet in public. But she has a big truck? or van? And is thiinking we can all go together on outings. But she only wants to go to places where my husband won’t get angry. Seek his permission first.


Its so sad and its his doing. He thinks hes in the right and he can’t see what a treasure he is losing. He doesn’t see how harmful he is or how astray he has gotten. Religion is supposed to make you a better person, NOT transform you into an A$$hole.

But I’m going to try and ┬ámake the best of it.

I AM happy she knows it wasn’t me and I really hope to pieces that her and my step-daughters start to feel better soon. Its just heart breaking that families have to have this great separation.

New Injury, GRRRRRRR

I’ve been laying off of exercise because my left leg is hurt. Apparently I have IT Band Syndrome, and a hamstring strain. The compensation pain I’m having isn’t very nice.

I have to do some stretches for the IT band, IT band rolling (fun), light hamstring stretches. And MORE physical therapy. They know me well by now hehe.

I just want to get my knee and legs better.

I have been told that hamstrings take VERY long to fully heal. On the bright side, I should be able to return to my walking workouts shortly.

I’ll be needing to get some heating pads and icing pads here pretty soon.

And NO, I’m not a football player lol.