I thought I’d share a BEAUTIFUL article on gaslighting. For those of you in abusive relationships, dysfunctional relationships – I hope this article helps you.
very beautiful reminder to myself and others to think about or focus on .
Today I had lunch with my husband’s ex-wife. I will call her L for now. I couldn’t talk over the phone about my husband and whether or not her daughters were safe with their dad (my husband). So we decided on breakfast.
I finished my workout, finished baking bread (I mix it in the bread machine and then bake it in the oven).
So we went to IHop and talked. I told her that its just who my husband is. So far so good, hes just strong opinions and that I’ve tried to prevent him from being mean but couldn’t always stop it if I wasn’t there. One of my step-daughters wants to have a relationship with their biological father. I told her it wasn’t such a great idea for him to go to her graduation.
His decline has been gradual. Apparently when he was married to her, it was a steady decline also. So much repetition, so much toxic cycle. I told her to tell the girls that theres nothing wrong with them, that he is not WHOLE and that it would be disappointing if she tried to have a relationship with him. He either acts nice to them and mean to me, or he just hides away and ignores everyone. The few times he pretended to at least bond with his older daughters his mean streak REALLY came out.
I just wanted to let her and the girls to know its nothing with them. Its him. Hes a covert narcissist. The conversation was good and I feel so much better having done it. A load is off my shoulders. We shared some horror stories lol. When her daughters were around 2-3 and they came home with “I love you” cards for valentines he tore them apart. With me, my son hugged him and said I love you (he has autism and at 10 talking is still an issue). He shrugged it off and was mad because he said it in English and not in Arabic. le sigh.
He has gone off the path so far, but it just seems like his nice is just a mask, and his mean is just who he really is and always has been.
It was a great conversation. It was kind of funny because her friend was soo shocked that we have breakfast together lol. But it was lovely. We are cool with each other. My kidz love her. Our kidz love each other. It doesn’t have to be ugly if you do it for the love of family and kidz.
I just got a bread machine and have been eating way too many carbs now.
I’ve been thinking I might have to cut my portions of food and stick to my healthy foods.
That being said my kidz LUV it.
I’m trying to become more aware of my habits without becoming obsessive about it.
So last night I made food for my husband and his friend who works with my son for respite care. I couldn’t pray since I was on my period and so my kids prayed with my husband and his friend.
My daughter came down and she was a little afraid to say it, but my husband told her I wasn’t a Muslimah anymore.
It took me time to digest all of this. He has truly gone astray. I knew he was astray when he said ISIS is Islamic, a picture on his computer blessing Osama bin Laden as a scholar when he never was. The list goes on.
Add to this that he barely engages with us and the kids are happy when he’s gone. He’s started pulling one of my daughter’s hair and cusses when giving the kids small instructions.
I’ve listened to Islamic lectures by Mufti Mink that your wife and children should come first. Your family IS an Islamic duty. But we’ve never c really been a priority. He thinks of us more as what we SHOULD be doing and we fail his unrealistic expectations.
Mufti Mink also said to be VERY careful before you accuse someone of turning against their religion. I know my husband gets this idea from his extremist friends and all the videos that are posted on YouTube. Because I think for myself and don’t do exactly what he thinks I should he thinks I shame the religion, that I’m corrupting the children and that I make religion like a clown. Ughhhhh.
I know he’s wrong. My poor daughter was very confused and really I’m just trying to do damage control right now.
Last night I had family over, my aunt, 3 cousins and my grandparents.
So it was crowded and it takes me a while to recover from the disruption in the usual schedule.
Also, my family got KFC. I have now realized that KFC and other fast food gives me headaches. The chemicals in it makes me get more hungry, crave sweets, etc .
I couldn’t exercise and am sleeping more today. I hate this feeling. Next time I’ll have a protein shake and then a healthy dinner. Let EVERYONE else eat that stuff.
So today I’m resting and eating better, God willing.
Source: October 1st
Something important to remember. Especially to those of us who are being abused but might not be ready to admit it or reach for help.