Today I had lunch with my husband’s ex-wife. I will call her L for now. I couldn’t talk over the phone about my husband and whether or not her daughters were safe with their dad (my husband). So we decided on breakfast.
I finished my workout, finished baking bread (I mix it in the bread machine and then bake it in the oven).
So we went to IHop and talked. I told her that its just who my husband is. So far so good, hes just strong opinions and that I’ve tried to prevent him from being mean but couldn’t always stop it if I wasn’t there. One of my step-daughters wants to have a relationship with their biological father. I told her it wasn’t such a great idea for him to go to her graduation.
His decline has been gradual. Apparently when he was married to her, it was a steady decline also. So much repetition, so much toxic cycle. I told her to tell the girls that theres nothing wrong with them, that he is not WHOLE and that it would be disappointing if she tried to have a relationship with him. He either acts nice to them and mean to me, or he just hides away and ignores everyone. The few times he pretended to at least bond with his older daughters his mean streak REALLY came out.
I just wanted to let her and the girls to know its nothing with them. Its him. Hes a covert narcissist. The conversation was good and I feel so much better having done it. A load is off my shoulders. We shared some horror stories lol. When her daughters were around 2-3 and they came home with “I love you” cards for valentines he tore them apart. With me, my son hugged him and said I love you (he has autism and at 10 talking is still an issue). He shrugged it off and was mad because he said it in English and not in Arabic. le sigh.
He has gone off the path so far, but it just seems like his nice is just a mask, and his mean is just who he really is and always has been.
It was a great conversation. It was kind of funny because her friend was soo shocked that we have breakfast together lol. But it was lovely. We are cool with each other. My kidz love her. Our kidz love each other. It doesn’t have to be ugly if you do it for the love of family and kidz.