Random Updates

I had a shot in my left knee. It was NOT a meniscus tear but knee bursitis. Because its been bothering me for a while, I have to take it easy for a week before I do some exercise.  I am very glad I got it done though.

I’m just taking it easy for now.

On another note, lots of people on EP (Experience Project) have told me I’m too passive about my husband being a supporter of ISIS, or daesh as they should be called. Bigoted Devils. That I could go to jail for knowing about it and doing nothing.

So tonight I contacted 2 different Islamic resources and asked them what to do.

I’m going to wait for their answers before I go about contacting someone else.

But I am doing something. I’m not being completely passive. I don’t want to do something premature and then I get the backlash and then no one believes me.

My husband calls me a liar anyways as it is. But I’m making progress. I just have to wait for some answers. I’m going slow and smart on this one.

 

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Houseguests

My husband’s friend and his wife, are now staying with us. He’s American Black and she is Malaysian. I used to be friends with her but we had an argument years ago.

We are living peacefully right now. His mom and his sister hate them for being Muslim and they hate her not being black. They hate her because she is a foreigner. One of them threatened to kill her, and even watched her while her and her husband were having sex.

So now they are sleeping in my husbands bed with all their stuff until they find a new place. Its funny that they sleep next to each other while my husband can’t stand me. The only time he texts me is he wants food or this or that.

I feel like more of a prisoner in my own place. I have less and less. Part of this is because they are more conservative. I have to be careful when I go upstairs because my husband and her husband are up there, etc.

I have to pretend that everything is ok. He sleeps in the computer room on the floor. Its so ironic that they are the guests and they get to do more marriage things than me and i’m the woman of the house.

I know its petty and selfish and jealousy. Its just so sadly ironic to me.

Bloating and health changes

I’ve been having stomach pains and bloating. And I’m unable to lose weight. I just found out recently that sweeteners can prevent weight loss. And then food intolerances can cause lots of bloating and weight gain.

I just realize I may be intolerant to dairy. And of course bread. I don’t think I have problems Ezekiel bread but its not quite as yummy hehe.

So I’m gonna try Coconut yoghurt, and rice milk. And find some more protein sources outside of cow’s milk. Its gonna be hard. I’m also going to replace my Equal sweetener with xylitol.

I do feel better when NOT drinking milk. I believe cheese hurts my stomach too. But yoghurt not so much.

I’m gonna try these changes and see if my tummy feels any better.

 

 

Leaving in Spring

So there has been new developements. Apparently my husband has been intentionally NOT been around to get us USED to him NOT being around. lol. Like he needs to do that.

Apparently hes going overseas sometime in the spring. He’s gonna take his name off the lease and get everything in my name so I can get food stamps for the kidz.

The last time he went to Morocco he was really in Hawaii with his friend. I kind of played stupid with it. And when  I asked him how long he’d be gone, he said indefinitely? I don’t know if he meant hes leaving and not coming back, or if he meant he doesn’t know.

I know that part of this is from when he told me that me and the kidz were leading him to hell. And he needed time away from us to study his religion. Apparently NOT taking care of your wife and kidz leads you closer to God.

Pretty insane. All these scholars and students of knowledge I’ve been following who’ve been saying that you MUST take care of your wife and children, and neglecting your responsibilities lead you AWAY from God, not closer to God.

Oh boy. I’m still processing all of this. My relatives might be able to help. I know they’d like me to move in with them but special programs over there aren’t as big as the city I live in. And I’m afraid my kidz would regress by moving. Not enough supports and stuff like that. I haven’t even told my family yet. I’ll tell them soon.

shy girl or bisexual?

I had a funny conversation with my grandma during the weekend about when I thought I was bisexual.

I thought I was bisexual because my mom thought I liked girls.

One minute my mom would say she’d beat me up if she caught me with a boyfriend, and that she’d find me cuz she knew the roads like the back of her hand.

Another moment she’d say its ok to be friends with boys. If I did something and she thought I was trying to act grown up, then she’d call me a b**ch. And then she’d say, “look at that cute boy” and I wouldn’t look.

I was extremely shy especially around men. I was very sheltered and raised very old school. I still am shy lol. So because of this I felt abnormal as a kid. I’m also an introvert and never talked about men to my family. I was never boy crazy.

The truth is I thought about them much younger than my family thinks. I thought about sex much earlier than they thought. I might explore one day but I feel I really am a submissive babygirl, which my family would think is actually worse. lol.

Its just kind of funny because I’m introverted and shy in a family of extroverts so of course I come off gay. And I feel uncomfortable talking about men and sex, especially with family. ughhhhh. Too gross lol.

Anyways, just a thought.