It Doesn’t bother me

So some recent conversations with my husbands – he admits that he’s a hypocrite. He kind of alludes that he’s not that great.

So we’ll have an intellectual/religious conversation. He goes to pray or watch soccer videos. He comes back down and then acts so incredibly cold.

And then he implies that it doesn’t bother me. He actually doesn’t think it bothers me. He thinks that I’m ok with it. He doesn’t remember all the trying and failing. Again and again.

Sometimes I feel like I’m dealing with two different people. Its Mind boggling.

to think that it doesn’t bother me. I still randomly cry over it.

Sometimes I laugh over it. Sometimes I’m bitter and jaded. Sometimes the pain gets so much I feel like drowning and choking on my blood (emotionally, obviously).

I don’t know if he actually things this or just tells himself this.

I wonder if lots of refuser/cheaters all do this? Say the wife is ok with it, lie to live with it better?

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8 thoughts on “It Doesn’t bother me

  1. Many of them do believe what they are saying. They somehow live in a different reality and it is their truth.
    This is an excerpt from a recovery resource that I have utilized by Dr. Doug Weiss:
    “Addicts of any kind live in what I call a verbal reality. This means if they say it, it is true, and if they say it passionately, it is really true. The behavior……is not required for it to be true. You must understand the sex addict’s verbal reality; this is often how you are manipulated by the addict. The sex addict believes what he is saying while he is saying it, and to him, that is enough not to follow through with the behavior.”
    Pretty crazy to comprehend, but it is common.

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    • damn! that is just crazy. I mean I believe it. My grandma says he just isn’t normal. I told my grandma, that compared to many in sexless marriage, she has more than them. My grandparents have bad help and don’t have sex. They still hold hands and sleep next to each other and thats more than I’ve had in YEARS.

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      • It sounds like your grandparents still have intimacy. That is a really good thing. The sex act itself could be missing, but if the intimacy is there, well, that is what a woman really needs.

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      • And you deserve and are worthy of it all! I still want the sexual act too. I think that for me, because we have resumed sexual intimacy after 20 years without, I am much more disappointed and discouraged about the results than I would have anticipated. I have been trying to lower my expectations and convince myself that it doesn’t matter. The hope of fulfillment hurts.

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      • Even if my husband did want to touch me again, I highly doubt it would be any good.

        He’s lazy and won’t be bending over backwards to work for that connection. Just today my daughter asked me if I can get married again if my husband died. Thats how grumpy he is.

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    • Yes I know. My husband told me its haram to be naked in front of your partner. I found a book about marriage, from the contract to parenthood. And looking at your spouse’s nudity and body, is considered to be one of the greatest pleasures one can experience in marriage. When I mentioned it, he was incredibly quiet. go figure.

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