Right now I’m having a hard time coming to terms with my limitations.
I have been looking at other people who are fitter than me. And I’ve noticed that even they have physical limitations. Its helping me come to terms.
I hate that I can’t do squats or lunges. I hate that bending my knees too much hurts. I hate that because of my weight, that my exercise options are so limited.
I KNOW this has also gone about with me not exercising as much as I want to because I’ve been pouting about it.
So I’m trying to accept my body more and come to terms with its limitations.
I’ve heard from “Yoga with Adrienne” on Youtube, say that when you accept your limitations and work with it, then you can move past it.
So….. I don’t want to. But I’m just gonna have to accept that my body is soooo much more limited than I want it to be.
I’m going back to my knee rehab exercises, gentle walking workouts, belly dancing, and most importantly, I’m going to have to start being MORE vigilant with my flexibility training.
I have found a new doctor that listens to me. She is going to address my overwhelming fatigue. And I just got started on buPROPion, an anti-depressant that might also help with weight loss. yay.
She suggested that I start some counseling. She thought it might help to talk to someone about my problems. I’m not sure. I’m kind of undecided.
It would be nice to talk to someone about all of my complicated issues and drama that is going on right now. I’m not sure about it. I’m always afraid of seeming like a hypocondriac or something like that.
And I’m not sure how its gonna affect me or what it can do for me with all of the issues I’m having. Being overwhelmed with kidz, health problems, a couple living with me, sexless marriage, my husband ignoring me and verbally abusing me her and there.
I’m still unsure but my family thinks it would do me some good so I might at least look into it.
I’ve been having stomach pains and bloating. And I’m unable to lose weight. I just found out recently that sweeteners can prevent weight loss. And then food intolerances can cause lots of bloating and weight gain.
I just realize I may be intolerant to dairy. And of course bread. I don’t think I have problems Ezekiel bread but its not quite as yummy hehe.
So I’m gonna try Coconut yoghurt, and rice milk. And find some more protein sources outside of cow’s milk. Its gonna be hard. I’m also going to replace my Equal sweetener with xylitol.
I do feel better when NOT drinking milk. I believe cheese hurts my stomach too. But yoghurt not so much.
I’m gonna try these changes and see if my tummy feels any better.
I have been eating soup lately and I just realized it may be contributing to my cravings, especially for carbs.
Soup goes right through me. It doesn’t stick in my stomach very long so it leaves me hungry. Which of course doesn’t end well for my weight.
Fortunately for me, my weight has been fluctuating from 247 to 250. So I’m not gaining, gaining, gaining but it would be nice to break this damn plateau.
Right now I’m eating a lil too much trying to atone for my blood sugar low and not having anything really substancial in my stomach.
I may also experiment with only ONE cup of caffeinated tea a day. I didn’t NOT stick to that at my aunt’s house.
No more soup
eat someting more substancial
only 1 cup of caffeinated tea a day
And we’ll see how it goes from there
I’m in a horrible food binge/fog.
I hate it when people eat junk food in front of me. My kidz did that (kind of rare) this weekend as my husband took them to the grocery store.
So I couldn’t fight my cravings. Grrrrr. I ordered Chinese Food. Not as yummy as I thought. And I was so full I felt like I was going to float away and still not satisfied.
I ran out of my protein powder. So I didn’t have a protein shake. And went grocery shopping early in the morning. I might have gotten some foods that I shouldn’t have. It put me into a coma and I slept for a couple of hours.
I’m still full. I feel sick.
It has become apparent to me that I NEED my protein shake in the morning. In fact I’m debating regular protein powder and some pre-workout.
I never want to feel like this again. So crappy and so blah. You have no idea.
I’m hoping for better days and no more self-sabotage.
So I have downloaded this Journal App onto my kindle fire and I use it to record my food, weight, how I’m feeling, sleep etc. It seems to be helping. l really like it so far.
I’ve been weighing in at 248 and I’d like to weigh 240 by next month. If I can manage the consistency and better eating. We’ll see what actually happens.
On the downside, right as I was getting ready to go out my knee twinged. My left knee. Some of you may not know that I had two knee surgeries when I was 30. Both were for a torn meniscus and torn MCL ligament towards the back of my knees. They were 3 months apart. With my second knee surgery (right knee) the compensation pain was too much resulting in a bad left knee. oh boy.
Well I felt a twinge, like when something catches. It was painful, not as painful as last time but still painful. I haven’t exercised since then. And my knee is REALLY sore. So …… I’m resting it and icing it. And I’m going to buy a knee brace and call my Knee Doctor. So now I’ll study other aspects of belly dance. I’ll watch videos. But for now I’m sticking to full body chair exercises and chair yoga. I don’t want to but I’m not risking it either. GRRRRRRRRR
Last night I had family over, my aunt, 3 cousins and my grandparents.
So it was crowded and it takes me a while to recover from the disruption in the usual schedule.
Also, my family got KFC. I have now realized that KFC and other fast food gives me headaches. The chemicals in it makes me get more hungry, crave sweets, etc .
I couldn’t exercise and am sleeping more today. I hate this feeling. Next time I’ll have a protein shake and then a healthy dinner. Let EVERYONE else eat that stuff.
So today I’m resting and eating better, God willing.
So the anti-biotics didn’t work. I went back to the doctor. The doctor gave me stronger anti-biotics, plus medication for yeast infection (the anti-biotics are THAT strong and also I’m prone to aggressive yeast infections because of my PCOS) and some pro-biotics.
Oh boy. I am starting to feel better. But still taking it slow. Its feeling good. It always takes me a while since my sinus and chest infections are stubborn. GRRRRRR.
But I’m trying to take care of myself and take it slow.
I have a chest infection! Ughhhh. the older I get, the more aggressive and chronic it gets. Both me and my grandma get lots of sinus and chest infections in the winter. I get them in the winter, but the ones that are more stubborn are the ones I get inbetween seasons. Like NOW.
NO exercising for me. I tried but its a no go for me.
Some articles say to exercise if you’re moderately sick. Yeah ………… its not working for me.
So I’m gonna take it easy from now on.
But the kidz are doing great. And my son is doing great in his new school. So that is good.
Now if I could just get rid of this infection.
According to my physical therapist I have VERY tight hamstrings. She doesn’t think I have a strain or a pulled muscles. She thinks my bad pain might actually either be nerves or sciatica. She thinks it got triggered when I pushed too hard during some stretching.
I hate how long it takes to get flexible. oh boy. I just wanna be flexible now, hehe. But anyways, orders are to do the hamstring warm up I found on youtube, light hamstring stretching, and using a heat pad for my hamstring. And to just let the nerves calm the hell down for now.
God willing I hope it gets all better.