This year has really sucked. It has been hard. I will not even lie, in just too many ways to count. I am hoping for a much better year. I
I am hoping to get my health under control.
I am hoping to get into better shape.
I am hoping to get a little bit better at intermittent fasting.
I am hoping to lose weight.
I am hoping to my children continue to mature and become loving people.
But ……. I am not so sure that I am hoping for a better marriage. On one hand, I’m not sure there’s anything to really hope for. On another hand, every time he acts nice during a religious or an intellectual conversation. And there I fill up with false hope only to feel bad when he ignores me later and spends the night elsewhere. And because he is the man, I’m not allowed to ask where he’s gone or going.
He’s said that more than once, as crazy as that sounds.
And to set the New Year’s off even more, I’m sick and my husband isn’t here. I’ve never ever spent a New Year’s with him doing anything.My husband discussed with me why mixed kids (like me and our kids) are confused. That because we grow up with multiple cultures, multiple identities that we can’t thrive for very long without a mental break, or whatever. That we are confused and aren’t loyal to any side of their identity.
It makes me sad. I cried. It didn’t make me feel much better afterwards. So I’ll just go on ahead and try for my own New Years.
Progress NOT perfection.