Ramadan started last week, I believe. I am trying very hard to not be too depressed this Ramadan.

For those who don’t know, a man can have sex with his wife after he breaks his fast. But, my husband,before my marriage became completely sexless, Ramadan was the perfect excuse to reject me. He had a “good”reason to even though it was allowed.

Then one year, he decided that he couldn’t touch me at all during Ramadan, ever after he broke his fast, to be a better Muslim. Even though its allowed. I noticed after that, he made even more excuses to not touch me, and rarely touched me after that. There were more and more and more months in between sex after that.

So …….. I’m trying to stay positive this Ramadan and focus on myself. I have been having a really hard time. So I’m focusing on small things, like reading a bit of translation of the Qu’ran. Listening to a mini-lecture every night. And I think I might try to focus on some recitation when the kidz are in bed.

Since my children have autism, its hard teaching them much. And one of my daughters is quite stubborn. lol. But I’m gonna try to be more consistent with her soon, but its hard doing everything all by myself.

And I’m trying for more reflection. Upon my life, my kidz, God. How to deal with it all.

I’m trying but its hard.