Depression and Fatigue

I have found a new doctor that listens to me. She is going to address my overwhelming fatigue. And I just got started on buPROPion, an anti-depressant that might also help with weight loss. yay.

She suggested that I start some counseling. She thought it might help to talk to someone about my problems. I’m not sure. I’m kind of undecided.

It would be nice to talk to someone about all of my complicated issues and drama that is going on right now. I’m not sure about it. I’m always afraid of seeming like a hypocondriac or something like that.

And I’m not sure how its gonna affect me or what it can do for me with all of the issues I’m having. Being overwhelmed with kidz, health problems, a couple living with me, sexless marriage, my husband ignoring me and verbally abusing me her and there.

I’m still unsure but my family thinks it would do me some good so I might at least look into it.

Cam

I sometimes engage in things I shouldn’t so that I don’t cheat on my husband. I have the temptation to cheat, just like my husband does, I just don’t do it in real life.

I do however masterbate, sometimes watch online porn, and sometimes phone sex. Sometimes I just chat with others about coming to terms with me being a submissive babygirl married to someone who is narrow minded sexually and submissive.

Last night, I cammed with someone. I don’t like camming, and I probably will never do it again.

He said I was fat and chubby and adorable and that he loved it. I’m overweight, I have loose skin and stretch marks and sagging breasts. And yet he called me adorable.

The man that is supposed to love me, and hold me and call me adorable ignores me. No matter what I do or don’t do. And this strange man thinks I’m adorable, even though I know I look the worst I’ve ever looked in my life.

It made me feel  warm inside. Not sexually, but emotionally. The babygirl side of me feel beautiful, since at least someone finds me attractive and adorable, even if my husband never will.

I don’t know why being called chubby and adorable made me feel so good inside, but it did. Maybe not the fat word, but hehe, I can ignore that one.