Right now I am sick. I’m not sure quite WHAT I have and I can’t lay down just yet. I have to pray, make lunch, have to be awake to receive a present for my son, etc.
I won’t be able to rest until much later.
It started with a sore throat and body aches and ear pain. Now I’m tired, with stuffy nose, runny nose, still have body aches, among other things.
It’s hard to be sick and be such a caretaker because all you need is rest, but its hard to get rest in. Go figure.
Before this, I had made my kids a crapload of muffins. Only the double chocolate muffins actually rose and everyone loves them for dessert. SOOOOO yummy. Dark chocolate nom nom nom.
And I am feeling down. I don’t even celebrate Christmas, even though more and more Christmas is in my house because of my kids. Which is fine. I’m cool with it. Even without celebrating it, I’m feeling overwhelmed by all the holiday energy and anxiety or whatever. Its got a very “je ne sais pas” quality that I just can’t quite describe.
So maybe it’s just winter burnout or something.
But on the other hand, I am trying to get back to doing a tiny bit of Islamic studies everyday. Right now I’m reading and writing notes from a Shi’a book called Nahjul Balargha. It’s a book of compiled sayings, sermons and letters, written by the first Shi’a Imam, ‘Ali (A.S.) , also the wife of Fatimah (A.S.), also cousin and son-in-law to the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.S.). It’s not complete, as it was compiled by a human, but its a very good book. So much wisdom and eloquence in it. So beyond my intellect, so it’s hard for me. Its going to take a while for me, lol.
And also, I will try to create better Friday habits. God willing. Friday is the most special day. It’s also the day of Imam Mahdi (the last Imam, and the one that will establish Justice upon the earth for all humans, in the end of time, and when he comes out of occultation). So that’s something new I’m learning. A new habit to learn, which is good. Not having goals is NEVER a good place to be.
I have to inspire myself to be a better person. I’m a babygirl without a Daddy to encourage and inspire me to be the best version of myself. So I’m trying.
Progress not perfection.