Winter Blues

Right now I am sick. I’m not sure quite WHAT I have and I can’t lay down just yet. I have to pray, make lunch, have to be awake to receive a present for my son, etc.

oh boy.

I won’t be able to rest until much later.

It started with a sore throat and body aches and ear pain. Now I’m tired, with stuffy nose, runny nose, still have body aches,  among other things.

It’s hard to be sick and be such a caretaker because all you need is rest, but its hard to get rest in. Go figure.

Before this, I had made my kids a crapload of muffins. Only the double chocolate muffins actually rose and everyone loves them for dessert. SOOOOO yummy. Dark chocolate nom nom nom.

And I am feeling down. I don’t even celebrate Christmas, even though more and more Christmas is in my house because of my kids. Which is fine. I’m cool with it. Even without celebrating it, I’m feeling overwhelmed by all the holiday energy and anxiety or whatever. Its got a very “je ne sais pas” quality that I just can’t quite describe.

So maybe it’s just winter burnout or something.

But on the other hand, I am trying to get back to doing a tiny bit of Islamic studies everyday. Right now I’m reading and writing notes from a Shi’a book called Nahjul Balargha. It’s a book of compiled sayings, sermons and letters, written by the first Shi’a Imam, ‘Ali (A.S.) , also the wife of Fatimah (A.S.), also cousin and son-in-law to the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.S.). It’s not complete, as it was compiled by a human, but its a very good book. So much wisdom and eloquence in it. So beyond my intellect, so it’s hard for me. Its going to take a while for me, lol.

And also, I will try to create better Friday habits. God willing. Friday is the most special day. It’s also the day of Imam Mahdi (the last Imam, and the one that will establish Justice upon the earth for all humans, in the end of time, and when he comes out of occultation). So that’s something new I’m learning.  A new habit to learn, which is good. Not having goals is NEVER a good place to be.

I have to inspire myself to be a better person. I’m a babygirl without a Daddy to encourage and inspire me to be the best version of myself. So I’m trying.

Progress not perfection.

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December Update

I had a good couple of religious months of mourning. Lots of learning, lots of reflection. It was good. So much to learn and work on. Its still hard with a spouse who only talks to you for religious discussions, but I managed somehow.

Now its December. It crazy. Holidays and lights. Right now I’m trying to remind myself to get more sleep because I don’t think I’ll make any progress, until I accept that my body needs more sleep, and give it the rest that it needs.

I have NOT been doing that lately. ughhhh.

So I’m going to try it again. Get more sleep. Listen to my body. Even if I just want to stay up all night lols. Get enough sleep. Do intermittent fasting for 12-15 hours (thats my sweet spot). Exercise but not everyday so I don’t get burned out.

I’ve realized i get too burned out too easily because I don’t give myself enough nurturing and some self-care.

Random Updates

I had a shot in my left knee. It was NOT a meniscus tear but knee bursitis. Because its been bothering me for a while, I have to take it easy for a week before I do some exercise.  I am very glad I got it done though.

I’m just taking it easy for now.

On another note, lots of people on EP (Experience Project) have told me I’m too passive about my husband being a supporter of ISIS, or daesh as they should be called. Bigoted Devils. That I could go to jail for knowing about it and doing nothing.

So tonight I contacted 2 different Islamic resources and asked them what to do.

I’m going to wait for their answers before I go about contacting someone else.

But I am doing something. I’m not being completely passive. I don’t want to do something premature and then I get the backlash and then no one believes me.

My husband calls me a liar anyways as it is. But I’m making progress. I just have to wait for some answers. I’m going slow and smart on this one.

 

Chest Infection

I have a chest infection! Ughhhh. the older I get, the more aggressive and chronic it gets. Both me and my grandma get lots of sinus and chest infections in the winter. I get them in the winter, but the ones that are more stubborn are the ones I get inbetween seasons. Like NOW.

GRRRRRRRR.

NO exercising for me. I tried but its a no go for me.

Some articles say to exercise if you’re moderately sick. Yeah ………… its not working for me.

So I’m gonna take it easy from now on.

But the kidz are doing great. And my son is doing great in his new school. So that is good.

Now if I could just get rid of this infection.