My husband has been saying several times now over several years, that cheating on your wife isn’t that big of a deal. Because it is sooooo incredibly common.
Its so nice that my pain and my tears and my personal hell, are so common and trivial.
And I don’t say anything because my husband is so great at mind games. He’ll act intellectual and philosophical as a part of his mind games. ughhhh. le sigh.
My husband dad would take him out as a kid. and he’d meet his dad’s other women. So my husband thinks its completely normal. He had told his mother where they went, which wasn’t what his dad had said. And ……….. that was the last time my husband’s dad took him out anywhere.
So this is why he always says its normal.
Mentally, I understand that he’s rationalizing, maybe to appease his guilt. I don’t know.
I know sometimes I’ll end up crying after he says these things to me. My mind and my heart just can’t get on the same page.
darktippedrose 
(((Hugs))) to you my friend. Your pain is so palpable I can feel it. No matter if a man (or woman) thinks cheating is normal, even expected or justified, it is not. But you already know that. But maybe you just need someone else to validate your pain and his craziness. His words are not truth. Your mind and heart can’t be on the same page as long as you are accepting his words and behaviours. Believe in you, beautiful woman.
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Thank you. I deeply appreciate it. Sometimes it helps when others confirm your madness. He knows I don’t like it, which I suppose is why he keeps on telling me it over and over again. Or why he says I’m a narcissist who only thinks of herself.
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It is classic and typical for them to try to make it seem like we are the crazy one, the bad guy, the one to blame. And it makes us feel even more crazy. But you aren’t, dear lady. You aren’t. Trust yourself and what you know deep within you is true. I know you don’t think only of yourself, but sometimes when it seems we are, it is only because the pain has become so overwhelming and unbearable that it is near impossible to think of anything else.
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I deeply appreciate it. I sincerely think that his father twisted his ideas of relationships by exposing him to cheating. He’s told me before that all women are depressed because of how much he’d see his mom crying when he was little.
But anyways, I’ll work on trusting my intuition a bit better.
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Yes, it sounds like his dad and family have had a strong influence on his beliefs about marriage and fidelity. That was the ghastly example and teaching he received. Tough to fight against that, but it is wrong, and you are right in wanting and expecting more from your own marriage. Just how to get it with this man?
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I don’t think I can ever get it with him. But I want to teach my daughter to want and deserve much much better than this. Right now I’m trying to ignore my husband when he says I’m too immature and influenced by romance books.
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